You can commission a poem.
I’m cool with any non-zero, non-negative number of poems, really.
Your poem(s) would be 7-12 lines long, written about what you want them to be about, and written by hand in pretty colours that you like.
How this works is you tell me three things that you’d like the poem to be about, and three colours you like. I then write the poem about 1-3 of those things, using 1-3 of those colours. And you get the result in a pretty pdf :)
All for $50 a poem :)
Poems Others Have Commissioned
A Llama and His Gnat
written for Sarah Bates
prompts: llamas, art, ukuleles
I had a llama once
That talked about a gnat
“A gnat?” I asked. “Where?”
It was on his back
I had a llama once
With a back he couldn’t scratch
“Oh dear,” I said. “Here?”
“Yes, please,” he said. “Like that.”
A Night In
written for Heather Craik
prompts: nightshade, amethyst, cat
The cat was poisoned last night
With nightshade (does that poison cats?)
Let’s go with that
Anyways, it’s dead
And, as things have come to a head
I regret to inform you that, tonight
I’ll be staying in bed
Where I Once Lived
written for myself
It had occurred to me
That I would one day leave
But I forgot
I never really left
You are still inside of me
A home I could never forget
Tell me, would you miss me
if I never came back?
Tell me, would you miss me?
I could never forget
Things People Have Said Upon Receiving Their Poems
“I love it! It wasn’t what I thought I’d get when I chose my words, but it was funny, touching, and exactly the poem I needed. So worth it.”
“Perfection. Absolute perfection. Thank you!!!”
Frequently Asked Queries
What if I don’t like poetry?
WHY ARE YOU ON THIS PAGE
(Or commission a poem for a friend or family member who’d like poetry. I’m sure they’d appreciate the gift :) )
What if I only want the poem to be about one thing? Or I can’t think of three things?
Email me and tell me what you’ve got, and we’ll see if it’ll work!
The reason I ask for you to give me three things is that some things don’t connect. I can’t always predict what they’ll be, and if they don’t connect, I can’t make them work (I’ve tried). And how awkward would it be if you commissioned a poem only to find out that, yeah, the muses aren’t musing. No poem for you :sadface:
Thus, I ask for three things from you so that you get a poem no matter what. Because yay poems! So email me if you have 1-2 things and I can let you know if there’s a poem or not without any awkwardness :)
What if I ask for three things and none of them connect?
That hasn’t happened yet. BUT, as this is a valid question, so let’s answer it.
In the unlikely event that none of them click, I’ll email you and let you know, and ask for you to expand a bit on what you’re thinking, or to chat about other possibilities (I’ll do this before sending an invoice, because after would be just rude). Ideally, a poem will present itself and, voila, problem solved. If nothing clicks, however, then nothing will click and we’ll have to part on that note. Because, like no one wants a hernia, you don’t want a forced poem. If that mental image wasn’t enough for you, you’ll have to trust me on that.
That said, with the two steps of “here are three things!” and “hm, let’s chat a bit,” there’s an excellent chance that no one will end up with hernia poems. Unless that’s what you want your poem to be about. I’d write that. (No, seriously, I’d write that.)
So, what are you waiting for? Commission your (hernia?)* poem here!
*no hernias were harmed in the making of these FAQs